Death Note 2017 (Netflix)

***This is a lazy review. I had to struggle to finish watching the mess. Fell asleep midway through and had to start over a few times.***

     I'm going to start out that if you're a fan of the anime that the Netflix Deathnote is based on you probably will not like the movie. Look I get it the whole "it's their own adaptation", but it's as if the creators never watched a single episode.

      My first complaint will be of Light, oh excuse me Light Turner himself. In the anime Light is a popular, smart, and manipulative character. In the movie he is reduced down to a whiny teen with too much time on his hands.

      Suave and manipulative to troubled teen

     Misa, ah Misa. She was my least favorite character in the anime. I felt as if she really had no purpose outside of her Shimigami eyes. I thought the movie couldn't make her worse. I was wrong. She's another bored teenager, except this time unlike her anime counter part she is a bit too eager to kill for no reason besides she's bored.

Look I adore Dafoe. He's one of my favorite actors, but he sold himself short as Ryuk. Anime Ryuk is a bored side character who finds humans interesting. I the movie it was as if they based the character solely on looks.

Throw some makeup on and BAM!!

Ryuk looks as if he was created by an overworked intern using Microsoft paint. Unlike the anime the movie Ryuk is always lurking in the shadows probably to make up for the terrible design.

                         Quick! Kill it with fire!!

L, Light's sugar obsessed nemesis that kept him on his toes in the anime has been reduced to someone you'd bump into during a rave.

                     

He can spin a mean record though

The only character that seems true to the source material is Light's father, but even that is a stretch. It's possible to make the characters look pretty close to the anime without fully copying it. The live adaptation of proves it.

      If you're going to copy homework try to copy the guy who knows what they're doing.

In truth this review was a bit hard to do. I couldn't find anything that I liked. The whole CF of a movie changed the good bits of the anime and characters and made it into another freaking rip off Bonnie and Clyde love story.

My one suggestion is to watch the live adaptation that came before Netflix. Treat the Netflix version like the live adaptation of Avatar the last airbender. Simply ignore it in hopes it will disappear.

    Until next time. This is Mouse and I'll see you then.

Queen of the Damned (2002)

I hope you're happy.

It's been brought to my attention that I've been a bit biased in my opinions in my past reviews, only reviewing films that I have a positive opinion on.  I don't see the issue, but I see the point.

That brings us to Queen of the Damned from 2002.

I've seen Interview with the Vampire, and read the novel of the same name.  I'm familiar with Anne Rice's style of sex over scares.  I also know that Aaliyah died before this film was finished.

All of that said, this film is a mess.  From the leaps of logic and lack of explanation (either through exposition *shudder* or visual cues), to the storytelling, to the characters, costume design...  I honestly think that this film should have been split in half, splitting the film along the line of the original novels.  It would've allowed for more time for the characters to breathe, maybe so the passage of time in a competent way...

Anyway, Lestat, last seen played by Tom Cruise ripping Christian Slater's throat out, is shown waking up from a long sleep by the sounds of a band in New Orleans.  After killing a random, leather-clad gentleman, Lestat, played by (a bored) Stuart Townsend, shows up at the band's rehearsal (but the location of the rehearsal relative to Lestat's restimg place and subsequent desanguination of a passing random is never shown) and makes them an offer to become famous after revealing that he's a vampire.

Cut to a while later (was it years? Months? All you know is that it's long enough for the band to have released at least two albums), and the band members, looking appropriately bored with it all, are going to a press conference, sans their frontman.  Lestat pops up via video conference, says that he wants to bring out the other vampires, and then cuts it off.  Then his manager brings in a couple groupies, he kills them with a bad photoshop blur, and then goes outside to brood.

Then Jesse (Marguerite Moreau) wakes up in London, has a flashback with her auntie (Lena Olin, tragically underused), and then turns on MTV while doing research, as one does.  She notices some of the lyrics in Lestat's latest music video (insert MTV bitching fest here) are reflective of a location in eighteenth century London, and then she's giving a lecture to a secret society that is populated by professor-looking types who get upset at Jesse for taking a picture of the vampire pub implied by the lyrics in the song.  Jesse is chided for going outside the norms of the society.  They observe, but don't interact.  

What do they actually do?  What are their methods?  Who are they?  Who do they answer to?  What is their purpose?  You never find out.  It served no purpose, gave no context to Jesse's values or beliefs.

David (the criminally underrated 8th Doctor, Lieutenant Bush, and overall cool guy Paul McGann), her boss, tells her that Lestat is old news and small potatoes.  Here, read his diary and find out.

Jesse reads the diary, we see a flashback of Lestat's life after he is turned into a creature of the night by Marius (Vincent Perez), and he becomes used to the whole undead thing pretty quickly.  How quickly?  I have no idea.  Lestat kills a random on the beach, gets told by Marius not to drink every last drop, joins two musicians on the same beach, freaks them out with his mad violin skills and bad photoshop effects, and has to kill them because they freaked out.  He then broods and accidentally finds the tomb of the Queen Akasha (Aaliyah), who's been turned into alabaster, starts to wake her up with his Charlie Daniels impression, and drinks her blood.  Marius doesn't like this, ties his protege up, and slips away before Lestat wakes back up.

How long was that passage of time?  I don't know.  At least two nights.  Was it longer?  It seems like it should have been longer, or at least given some form of indication as to how long Lestat was under Marius's wing.  But it doesn't.  It's frustrating.  As is the entirety of this film.

Jesse finishes reading, goes to the pub she shouldn't have taken a picture of, gets harassed by the local vampires, and they pop out of everywhere with bad photoshop effects (so, so bad) as she leaves, despite her name dropping Marius.  Lestat happened to be in the same pub and saved her, chasing off the bad photoshop effects, and I don't care!  

I don't care!  I'm seriously only about half an hour, forty five minutes into this thing, and it's painful.  Was the picture that she took of the pub supposed to show that she has a rebellious streak?  Is that why they can justify her going into the den of scum and villainy?  This movie doesn't make sense from a storytelling and character standpoint.  Motivation?  Basic traits?  Nothing!

I'm not going through the rest of the plot, blow by blow.  Basically, Jesse keeps tracking down Lestat, wanting to become a vampire, despite her working for an organization that apparently doesn't want to interact with creatures of the night.  There's no extended temptation, she just want to be a vampire.  Lestat says no, and OH MY GOD, THIS IS TWILIGHT WITHOUT THE PURITY RINGS.

Lestat's concert starts up in the desert, a lot of vamps try to kill him with their mad photoshop skills (the CG effects on this movie aged like my twisted spine, not well), but Marius helps him out.  Why?  It's never discussed, it's never implied, it just happens.

And Akasha (after laying waste to the vamp pub) crashes the concert, steals away with Lestat, and they have have sexy time in a tub that goes on for and uncomfortable length of time that throws the pace of the movie off, she uses her Apohis reverb voice effects way too much, and she tells him that they're going to kill everything in the world because they can.

It turns out Jesse's Aunt was a vampire all along (insert Jim Moriarty surprise face here), and she, Marius, and a handful of unnamed and therefore disposable elder vampires plan to destroy Akasha.  And you probably can figure the rest out.

The story is too crammed with stuff, the characters who die have no time to actually develop an attachment with the audience, the effects look bad by any standards (the photoshop effects used are overused; they're supposed to indicate speed, but look like they're moving slower than they would otherwise), and the storyline devolves into your standard sexy vampire story.  If this film had been split in two, maybe some of these problems could have been solved, but I suspect they'd have gone more for romance novel drivel for filler.

I don't want to watch this again.  I don't recommend this movie.

Take care, and I feel like I need a shower.

- Rambler

Calculating Euphoria (at a glance)

I have a guilty pleasure. Well technically I have several guilty pleasures. I like to dip my popcorn in nacho cheese, I put Lays on vanilla ice cream, and I enjoy vegging out on the couch, but none of the can even come close to my love of horror movies.

(Dastardly Rambler's guilty pleasure)

I had to do a bit of research on Leomark Studios. The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I still can't put my finger on it. So this is in all honesty a review of a trailer and a first look at the company. I doubt this should even be considered a review. It's a glimpse of a trailer. A peek at a sneak peek.

Calculating Euphoria is a story about how far someone will go to make their dreams come true. Two best friends embark on a journey to create horror movie in Hollywood.That is all I can get for now, unfortunately until I can watch it in its entirety. 

I have several hopes for the film. I hope I'll be able to give it the review it deserves when it's finished. I hope it doesn't become buried under bigger name productions. I hope the movie doesn't become too predictable (hint I enjoy psychological terror).

The movie is a low budget production of approximately $30K. Mount St. Mary's in Los Angeles has been gracious enough to help with location, but a film is more than it's setting. A movie besides the usual script, actors, music, and, etc requires patience, hard work, and sometimes help. 

So how can you help? Offer words of encouragement. Word of mouth is one of the best ways to advertise. Tell your friends, your family, and anyone you meet. Another way to help is by donating. Think of it as being part of the crew. When the movie is finished you can pat yourself on the back and feel proud that you contributed to the arts.

click on the link below to help

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/calculating-euphoria-cast-and-locations-youtube-horror#/

                                                                                 Thanks.

                             ~ Mouse~

Movie vs Show-Curious George

Holy tags Batman!!

Hello again everyone. Mouse here with too much time on my hands.

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As some may know we have kids. With kids comes shows that will make you want to apologize to your parents for the countless hours of brain numbing nonsense they endured so they could have a few moments peace.

I loathe Curious George. He's right up there with Caillou. There's a difference between being a curious monkey and just your run of the mill annoyance. TV George is the latter.

I feel sorry for the man in the yellow hat while I watch the show. George's "curiosity" often leads to damages that the man in the yellow hat has to pay for.

I'm not even going to bother figuring out the costs. There was one episode where George floods their country home, another where he vacuums up rare stamps, and another where he puts a shopkeeper out of business.

"Curious George and euthanasia."

          

What's one thing that I'm glad is not in the movie? Besides the way the man in the yellow hat is so deep in the friend zone with Professor Weisman (who constantly has to remind people that she's a scientist) there's no hope of ever coming out. Of all the characters I can't stand in the show, it's this kid....

                                                       Well actually you're a twit

Like the guy in the office who watched on episode of some science show and labeled himself as a self-proclaimed expert, he simply will not shut up. He keeps referring to George as city kid and takes pride as he "corrects" others with the trademark "Well actually."

Now the movie. Holy crud I don't know what it is, but the movie is adorable. Not adorable in the shoving cutesy baby talk nonsense down your throat adorable. The colors are bright yet not harsh.

It gave George an origin story. I felt sympathy for the orphaned monkey instead of the cringing annoyance. An actual bond is formed in the movie between Ted and George instead of the trap that the man in the yellow hat is stuck film the show.

                                                           Fricking adorable little ball of disease

You get an idea of what Ted actually does for a living. In the show, I have no idea, but I'm just going to assume he's a rich guy with too much time on his hands. Characters in the show are difficult to relate to. As far as voice actors both the movie and show are fantastic. Will Ferrel does the voice of Ted in the movies while Jeff Bennett is the man in the yellow hat for the show, 

Music wise both the show and movie have catchy songs. I catch myself humming Jack Johnson's Upside Down and People Watching from the film as  I go about my day. The youngest loves singing songs from the show as he dances around.......OK I secretly like Won't You be My Valentine (I tried finding the song, but there were way too many covers)

                                                             F*ING BUBBLES!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc9WyaGFBEM

(All credit goes to Jack Johnson for the song)

So if asked I would say avoid the show like the plague, but make sure to cuddle up with your curious little monkeys as you watch the movie.

The Great Dictator

"'Corona veniat electis.' Victory shall come to the worthy. Today, democracy, liberty, and equality are words to fool the people. No nation can progress with such ideas. They stand in the way of action. Therefore, we frankly abolish them. In the future, each man will serve the interest of the State with absolute obedience. Let him who refuses beware! The rights of citizenship will be taken away from all Jews and other non-Aryans. They are inferior and therefore enemies of the state. It is the duty of all true Aryans to hate and despise them. Henceforth this nation is annexed to the Tomanian Empire, and the people of this nation will obey the laws bestowed upon us by our great leader, the Dictator of Tomania, the conqueror of Osterlich, the future Emperor of the World!"

-Garbitsch


Charlie Chaplin, master of the silent film format, second only to Buster Keaton.  In his second speaking role, Chaplin chose to skewer a growing threat to the world, to the initial criticism of most of the western world.  

When this film went into production, western Europe was still reeling from the effects of The Great War, the Great Depression, and the possibility of a repeat of the horrors less than a generation gone were so horrifying, that most reasonable people living at the time would do or agree to anything to avoid that.  Hell, there were even some who thought that the fascist regimes coming into their own were models of efficiency to be emulated, trimming the fat of the undesirable elements from their societies in a completely non-foreboding or threatening manner.  At least they weren't communists, right?

But some took notice of the rhetoric and sentiment.  And, in the tradition of the great satirists, decided that the best way to bring attention to it was to poke fun at them.

When The Great Dictator was being filmed, there was condemnation coming from all sides.  Why would Chaplin choose to attack the Nazis and the Black Shirts in such a manner?  Why antagonize them?  What was wrong with a country setting itself right, and who had the right to tell them how they did it was wrong?

The film was condemned and banned before its release in Britain and the US, but they made it anyway.  And by the time of its release, Britain was already under attack by the Luftwaffe, its expeditionary force in France defeated and evacuated.  The British needed to laugh.  And a message that this too would pass.

***

"This is a story of a period between two World Wars - an interim in which Insanity cut loose. Liberty took a nose dive, and Humanity was kicked around somewhat."

The Great Dictator concerns the fictional nation of Tomania, and opens on the Western Front of the Great War.  Charlie Chaplin plays a Jewish barber turned soldier whose exploits result in some hijinks, including a dud shell from Big Bertha following him around, an antiaircraft gun spinning out of control, an attack in the wrong direction, and a plane ride in with a pilot (Reginald Gardiner as Schutz) whose sense of telling which way is up is somewhat impaired, and then the surrender of the Tomanian forces.  All in the first ten minutes.  As a result of the ill-fated aeroplane flight, the Barber has a bout of amnesia that apparently lasts a dozen years.

He misses out on some important developments, like the rise of Adenoid Hynkel (also Chaplin) and his party of the Double Cross, and the suppression of the Jewish population in Tomania.  Hynkel has a loyal inner circle, including his propaganda minister, the conniving Garbitsch (Henry Daniell), and the leader of his air force and object of much abuse, Herring (Billy Gilbert).

"Any resemblance between Hynkel the dictator and the Jewish barber is purely co-incidental."

But global politics don't take place within a vacuum.  One of Hynkel's "Dictator Buddies" is the affable caricature Napaloni (Jack Oakie), the leader of Bacteria.  Both have designs on neighboring Osterlich, and both are engaged in a constant, dangerous game of one upmanship at the cost of their nations and the world.

Chaplin's use of fake Tomanian language, largely improvised and filled with enough actual German-sounding words to lend it credibility, is both comical and terrifying.  Of note is a particular scene where Billy Gilbert accidentally says "Banana" while suffering Chaplin's wrath.

This man is apparently dangerous.

But back to the Barber.  After walking out of his mental hospital, he makes his way back to his barber shop, now located in the Jewish ghetto.  Having missed out on the events of the previous decade, he fails to return a stormtrooper's salute, refuses to defile his shop to denote its Jewish ownership, and gets into a gentle misunderstanding, resulting in his near lynching.

He's rescued at the last moment by Schutz, who had joined the Double Cross, but who had not entirely drunk the Kool-Aid.

Also of note in the Ghetto is Paulette Goddard as Hannah.  She has no time to spare for fools, and calls others out on their malarkey whenever she gets a chance, especially in a scene involving some coins and puddings.  She's also an optimist in a time of reality, and her effect on the Barber is notable, from bringing him out of his shell, to apparently inspiring him during the film's climax.

The negatives are few.  There are some glaring continuity errors, not all of the performances are top shelf, and the love story doesn't strike me as entirely necessary (if they'd just stayed friends and not pursued a relationship, I don't think anything would've been lost).  But the overall film is great enough to overcome its detractions.

Events unfold, two wars and one peace are declared, identities are mistaken, and the debate of whether citizens exist for the benefit of the state, or if the state exists for the benefit of its citizens is brought up.  Slapstick, wordplay, inspiring, and terrifying, this film transcends its setting in place and time.

***

Hitler, believe it or not, was a fan of Chaplin's, and had a print of this film smuggled into Germany by way of Spain.  Reportedly, he saw the film twice, but it's unclear how he actually felt about it.  

After the events of the Holocaust became known, Chaplin stated that if he'd known about how terrifyingly horrific they were, he'd have never made this film.

This film may have been one of the reasons that Herbert Hoover and the FBI went after Chaplin years later, not because he was obviously against the Nazis and fascism, but because he was against them too early.

  -Rambler

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power. Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world! To do away with national barriers! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite! Hannah, can you hear me? Wherever you are, look up Hannah! The clouds are lifting! The sun is breaking through! We are coming out of the darkness into the light! We are coming into a new world; a kindlier world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed, and brutality. Look up, Hannah! The soul of man has been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow! Into the light of hope, into the future! The glorious future, that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up, Hannah. Look up!"

-The Jewish Barber